I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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