shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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