I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize