True but thats because hes a fetus.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
