i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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