Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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