New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
