He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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