Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
handjob tips. give me some.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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