Buhtt sex?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
