Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
