Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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