he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
