Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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