i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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