I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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