Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
