He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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