Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
