It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
