You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
