My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
