just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
