Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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