Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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