And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
