I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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