I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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