new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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