what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
