I cut my penus on the lid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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