Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
