FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Someone came in the potted fern
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
