last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize