When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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