Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
