haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
