I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
