This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
