TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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