i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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