Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize