The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
