Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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