shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
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You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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