no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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