why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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