thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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