Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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