3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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