If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
