She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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