after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
