I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
