its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
