just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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