His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
