I seem to have left my pride at pride
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize