I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
tell me about the eggs
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