pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
