So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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