You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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