i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Acid is not a monday night drug
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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