Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
