I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
