I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
