Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
