hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
