I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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